Relief… kind of

Yesterday I had my 6 month scans. I didn’t sleep much the night before and I didn’t before my 3 month scan either. It’s the not knowing. Is it back? Am I clear? What happened with that spot on my lung? Then there’s always a number of hours between my scan itself and my appointment. And then it’s days between that and my appointments back in Minneapolis with my oncologist and surgeon up there. It’s a very nervous period.

Only after everything I’ve been through could an oncologist tell you that the spot on your lung has grown a little bit and I not be worried. It’s only a few mm in size and doesn’t really look cancerous. My oncologist in the cities wasn’t the least bit concerned 3 months ago but it is still there and it did grow so we’ll see what he says this time. If it needs to come out, it sounds relatively simple due to where it’s located. Just take out a wedge of the lung where it’s at and close it back up. Again, sounds simple after everything else!

Everything else is perfectly clear. Nothing showing up anywhere. Considering I grew a tumor larger than a soup can in just a couple month at the end of last year, this all good news. I’m excited to see what my appointments in the Cities brings. My oncologist there mentioned some testing they could do that could show if my tumor has the right genetics where there is something they could do to cure it almost guaranteed. Amazing!! My surgeon wasn’t very optimistic about using a prosthesis so I can’t wait to WALK into his office this time.

It’s easy to get down. It’s easy to look at that spot and say maybe it’s back. Maybe I need to have a small part of my lung cut out of me. Maybe… maybe… maybe… But that’s no way to live. And this has taught me that lesson. Yes I still go down that road sometimes. Everyone does. But you have to pull yourself out of it. You can’t dwell on the maybes. Life can suck enough without us making it worse in our heads.

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